She works hard for the money...or, at least, she's about to.

Monday. Monday marks the beginning of the school year -- a time when teachers resolve themselves to pasty skin tones, mounds of paperwork, and the best part: taking your children off your hands for ten months (did anyone sense the sarcasm??).

We love your children; however, we feel your frustrations of trying to "entertain" them when they're in our care 7 hours a day, five days a week. I'll be the first to argue that parents hate summer break, or any break for that matter, because they have to find childcare and activities to occupy the kiddos and because kids, en masse, can sometimes drive a man...or a momma...to drinking. Even the best parents out there get a tad annoyed at the kids, and I think they all enjoy the steady schedule of a ten-month school year. Summer marks a time when more money and time has to be spent making sure everyone is taken care of, and things become a bit hectic. What tickles me about the whole teachers on break crazy is that the general public has no problem complaining to teachers about how much "free time" they have, yet they forget that for ten months out of the year, teachers are parents' lifelines. We educate and entertain the children, and that is a hard job. For those of you who believe we sit around in blue jean jumpers wearing wooden necklaces while eating apples, listen up. It ain't that pretty.

Educator
Noun - one with a firm belief that everyone can accomplish something; one willing to compromise dignity and sanity for the wellbeing of others; one lacking the desire to live lavishly and in favor of spreading common sense and intelligence throughout the land.

We don't know everything. Most of us qualify as masters in our fields; however, we are learning each and every day. All of those little neurosurgeons out there can thank a handful of teachers for teaching them facts and statistics and writing skills and brain hemispheres, but all of those teachers can thank those former students for teaching them patience, imagination, and innovation. The world is ever changing, and while I'd love to see a glimmer of excitement in every 13yr old's eye when I introduce Shakespeare, I have to approach the literature with real-life application in mind. I teach English not necessarily because I'm trying to instill a love of books in children but because I'm trying to help the students learn life skills that will follow them into various stages of existence. Fifteen years ago, my teachers weren't concerned with email etiquette, but now...now, that's a vital part of everyday writing skills that kids and adults need to know. As an educator, I have to research and study so that I can keep up with what upcoming students need to know. It's my job to venture beyond what I was taught in school and educate myself so that I can educate others.

Anyone imagining this an easy task is oblivious to the work and time that we put into making sure your kids are properly equipped to go into the workforce or college atmosphere. We aren't paid for specific trainings when there's an argument over whether or not to use the Oxford comma or when MLA decides to take out a period that's been there for two decades. We just have to keep up, sans a large meeting room with dozens of donuts and free coffee. Unfortunately, a popular idiom discredits the struggle that is maintaining relevance in education: "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach." So. Not. True. I will always attest that I learn more about something when I'm teaching it than I did when I originally learned it. To do often only requires minimal attention; to teach requires seeing beyond what appears to be. When's the last time you thought about how hard that is? Next time you try to teach a child to tie a shoe, think about how you have to break it down in order to make sense of it. It's frustrating to take something so mindless to you and try to get another human being to do it with ease. That's our every day...with more complicated material.

Entertainer
Noun - one with the desire to make others happy; one with the ability to stave off boredom; one creative enough to make others forget temporarily that important things are happening around them; a teacher.

Yep. I've said it before, and I'll reiterate it here: a good teacher is a one-man Broadway show without all of the acclaim...or a stitch of dignity to speak of. In good entertainment, the gloves are off, no holds barred, all the world's a stage, and every other cliche idiom applies. If I had a nickel for every sword fight I've staged with myself while teaching the first two pages of Romeo and Juliet, I'd have...well, I'd have like $.70, but that's not the point. The point is that I've had to throw caution to the wind and walk into a room spouting Whitman's "O' Captain, My Captain" if I want the kids to care about it. I've jumped on a windowsill to demonstrate the emotion of Juliet during the famed balcony scene of Shakespeare's romantic tragedy; I've spoken in a ridiculous southern accent in order to capture the distress and hyperbole that is Blanche DuBois in William's A Streetcar Named Desire; I've pretended to peer out of a bunker during war as a means to convey the trepidation of soldiers in the night. All of this is entertainment for the students, but it gets them thinking...ah ha! My job: make the children think.

179 days of 180, I hear, "Why are we doing this? This is stupid! I hate this. No one else is making us work because it's Friday. You always make us work." After growing a relatively thick skin, I learned to edutain, for it is the ONLY way to make them understand the means to the ends.

"Today, class, you're going to imagine you have a career. You would like a week off from work for vacation, but it has to be requested in writing. We'll assume you're sending this correspondence in the form of an email to your boss. You have ten minutes to compose this email, and your boss will provide immediate feedback."

Now, after I scan the room and see 98% of the little stinkers rolling their eyes, I call on the one brave kid who asks, "how is this relevant to English class?" Yes! That's the question I wanted.

"Well, young grasshopper, part of my job is to help you write properly for a variety of situations. One day, you will need to ask off for vacation; however, your approach and appropriate writing skills will determine whether or not the request is granted."

Of course they still don't see the relevance, but when I collect the "emails" and read them out loud, the learning begins. I'm the boss, and those requests are getting on-the-spot answers...some of those answers are a big fat NO and a "please pack your desk." It's funny, yet scary for them to hear that one inappropriate word choice or one ill sentence structure can make or break an entire job in their futures. Edutainment folks...it's how we reach your kids. That's hard.

All of this being said, I am not a momma (One day, hopefully, but not yet); however, I feel your frustrations of having to entertain and to teach your children skills that will make or break their futures. You're frustrated about 8-10 weeks out of 52 that you have to occupy with entertaining, educating, feeding, etc., and you're quick to bash us for posting pool pictures and "school's out" statuses, but before you mutter obscenities under your breath as you snack on a stale donut at your office desk while admiring the 90 degree sunshine through a distant window, remember that we've devoted our lives to your kids, and we do everything we can for those ten months a year to make sure you see little Johnny sashay across a stage and go out into the world in pursuit of a decent living.

Ease up on teachers, world; we deserve a break, too.

I'm baaaack...prepare yourselves.

Over 200 essays and a month later I'm taking a break from grading and preparing to enjoy the warm months. Unfortunately for you, I have a couple bones to pick with the general public. No, I'm not perfect, but I try to be cognizant of saying things that just don't make sense. Do you find these things irritating, or do you even notice?

Fewer vs. Less

Ok, folks. I know that I'm an English teacher, but still...let's get this correct. Most people use "less" interchangeably with "fewer," and that's just not right when you look at the denotations of the words. 

Less should be used when the amount of something isn't readily quantified. If a large body of water suffers evaporation from extreme heat, it's acceptable to say "Wow! The lake has less water in it than last week." I can't quantify the amount of water previously or currently present in the lake; therefore, I notice that there's less than before. 

Fewer should be used when the amount of something can be easily quantified. If a bag of M&M's suddenly seems a bit lighter, the bag contains fewer M&M's, not less. Assuming the number of servings on the package is quantified (it normally is) and/or the M&M's were counted before initial consumption, it is acceptable to say, "Hey! I have fewer M&M's in my bag. Someone's about to draw back a nub..."

The moral of this story: Fewer and Less should not be used interchangeably, but the world will tolerate it because most people don't give a rat's patoot.

Summer vs. Spring

Let's go back to the days of elementary bulletin boards outlining the days of the week, months of the year, holidays, birthdays, and SEASONS. Every season has a designated start and end date, yet we insist on treating Spring like the neglected child of Mother Nature. Everyone rejoices as the dark abyss of Winter breaks into Spring with dewy mornings, fresh blooms, and crispy cool evenings. That lasts for approximately two weeks until we, here in TN, experience a blast of 80-90 degree weather that makes Spring look like Summer's beyotch. Suddenly, we forget to call Spring Spring and we automatically dub the hot weather Summer. Yes, being out of school for a period of time does signify "summer break"; however, we actually have more of a "spring" break melded with the beginning of Summer which actually signifies our start back to school, typically marked by thoughts of Fall.  Did you follow that? 

Oh, and for the record: whether or not that silly little groundhog sees his shadow is completely irrelevant. Calendar wise, Winter is scheduled to last six more weeks regardless. So there. 

The moral of this story: check your dates. Tennesseans should be thankful for experiencing four seasons, as other places don't get the luxury. Each deserves its own credit. I'm going to bat for you, Spring!

Especially, Supposedly, Picture, and Library

People, people, people. ESpecially is not to be confused with EXpecially which is, much to your chagrin, NOT A WORD. ESpecially is the only acceptable way to say this word, so please put your "x" away and give "s" his due credit. 

SupposEDly is also a word that many folks botch in verbal exchanges. How many of you say SupposUBly? Stop it. Also not a word. 

A Picture is something that catalogs a moment in time visually. A Pitcher is something that holds liquid. They are not interchangeable; knock it off. 

Oh, the Library. It's a haven, a place of refuge from the loud, cruel world, and any reader's favorite field trip in free time. It, however, is not a Lieberry. If you're under the impression that these two words can be used in place of one another, I'll tell you that you've eaten one too many lie berries. 

And don't even get me started on ValenTIME's. It's ValenTINE's. "N" already gets lost in the alphabet song; can we just let it have its moment every February 14th? 

The moral of this story: please annunciate. Children all over the world are visiting lieberries and taking pitchers and that is expecially unfortunate. Supposubly they're also on "summer" break, but Spring will have its moment -- I'm sure of it. 

Stay tuned...there's more where this came from. Happy beginning of summ...errr...spring break! :)

"Hey girl. Let's watch Shark Week together!"

Good grief. I don't have time to come home at night and peruse sites for decent human beings in search of companions. Occasionally, a little time weeding out the weak is in order; however, even that is often boring and depressing. Once the green light shows up next to my username and profile picture, a universal call goes out to the weirdos and messages pour in.

"Hey, I know that I'm really young, but hear me out before you judge me on my age. I'm an old soul -- outdoorsy, love The Beatles, enjoy reading in my free time. Check out my profile and get back to me if you're interested. Hopefully my age won't be a factor."

So, this all sounds completely harmless, and ladies, let's be honest: he had me at good grammar/mechanics and he sounds like a nice guy...until I click on over to his profile to discover he's 22, living at home with his mother, doesn't have a car, and describes his personality as 'class clown'. The worst part is if I choose not to engage in conversation, I'll probably receive a form of guilt or hate mail a couple days later. If you're some guys, the message doesn't have time to get cold before the accusatory mail sending ensues. And buddy, this English teacher is going to answer that hate mail with a metaphor you probably won't understand, so save yourself the embarrassment. 

"what up gurl? my name joe and i think ur cute so yeah this thing says you require 50 characters or more bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb ha!"

Delete. 

"hey gurl. u don know what ur missin u think u 2 gud for dis? whatever. u should get back 2 me. i have tats and peircings (yes, misspelled of course) and u might lyke dat. im sumthin different"

Delete.

"i c how you are.  nice guys lyke me don win. all yall want the bad guys. your makin a mistake bc your in control of your own happyness."

Reply.

"Joe, hateful badgering is not exactly the way to garner support from someone like me. I thought my silence the first two times you messaged me would be enough to get you the clue, but since you wanted to engage in conversation, here you are: the next time you want to insult someone sarcastically, use appropriate grammar and your point might be more well received. You should have said "you're missing out," as 'your' is the possessive form of the word. Furthermore, when you add -ness to a word ending in 'y,' you typically drop the 'y' and add 'i.' So now that we've had this grammar lesson, go fishing in another, less grammatically aware pond because this fish isn't interested." 

Block Joe. 

"Hey. I'm Bratwurst. Yeah, I know...strange name, but it's a great conversation starter. Any how, my friends call me Hollywood, so you can too.  So, any luck on here? I bet you get crazy messages all the time."

Delete.

"Hi, I'm Daniel. I teach high school in Metro and coach ball on the side. I moved here eight years ago just to have a change of pace, and I love Nashville.  It's cool that you're an English teacher, but it makes me a little nervous about my grammar...I'll try to be careful! Anyway, your pictures are really fun, and if you're as bold and confident as your profile suggests, I'd like to know more about you. Hope to hear from you soon.  ~Daniel

"Daniel, so nice to "meet" you! So what do you teach? I have primarily juniors and freshmen, and I'm busy with student council and prom. Was born and raised here in TN, save two years when I moved for graduate school to Ohio. No worries about your writing -- I try not to be on duty all the time. It's nice to get a message from someone with the ability to construct coherent sentences. Well, hope to hear back. Maybe we can get coffee or ice cream sometime." ~Ashley :)

No reply. 

Grr. Square one. See, that's the problem. You finally get a bite from what appears to be the normal in the pond, but then your hook gets all bent or something. Let's just say I have a decent bite on the line, but I'm continuing to fish. Can't settle for the first fun fish that swims along, but can't throw him back too soon, either. 

The moral of this story: if you're online dating, you have to go in with a good sense of humor and little expectation regarding the communication aspect of the site. Most folks send one-word correspondence that doesn't amount to much, and the ones who are intelligent and genuinely willing to meet you are few and far between. Dating is a game of patience, and I think after years of being impatient in many ways, I'm finally learning a few lessons. Have fun, be safe, and don't get too serious too fast. A happy, single you is the best start, and making friends before you consider making things more serious is a close second. "Normal" is impossible to find, but I've met a couple folks who appreciate my variety of weird, and anyone who can do that is a good apple in my book :)

Running Accoutrement

Ok, running people. I need the helps. Today, I finally visited the local running store and met Jordan, the friendly college graduate and triathlete. He explained to me many things about running that I didn't know, and he encouraged me to come get a custom fitting just to have the evaluation of my foot strike, pronation, etc. We discussed my current running shoes and garb, and he said it sounds like I've found what works since I have no injuries in the last seven months. Despite not needing any running things as of the moment, I want a few things to make my life a little easier. So, that's where you seasoned runners can chime in and help me make money-smart decisions.

Running belt: I saw one today, and it's so cool. The sucker stretches to fit keys, cards, and a phone. I don't normally take a lot with me, but it is a pain to put my key around my finger or tie it in my shoe laces and hope I don't lose it. The one I saw today was $20. Is that a good price, or can any of you point me toward less expensive versions that are adjustable, hold race bibs, and stretch to fit stuff?

Moisture wicking headband: I have searched and searched, and I cannot find these things. Ugh! Not even the running store had them. I've looked on Amazon, but they're like $20, and that just seems steep for a headband. Suggestions?

Running shorts (of the legging variety):  I have one pair of Champion compression shorts, but I really want a couple pairs of BCG shorts from Academy. The compression shorts I have are really thin, but the BCGs I tried on ($12.99 at Academy) are thicker legging material, and they aren't hot pants. Any other brands for reasonable prices worth looking into?

A Membership on Active.com: $64.95 a year, discounts on gear and races. Is it worth it, or should I just pay per race and suck up the processing fee?

Ok, this is all for now.  Any suggestion/help is appreciated. :)

One more day...

And no. I'm not singing Les Mis style. One more day of school before the children and I get a solid break from one another, and despite the snow days, I'm ready for this break.

Non educators don't understand the NEED for spring break. Next week will most likely piss off the majority of working folks because Monday morning will fill Facebook with jubilant statuses about time off; however, before getting panties in a wad, people should consider that they work for vacation time they can take as they please. We are told when we get our time. Business folks get stressed out, and they can take a week of vacay to recoup; teachers get stressed, and we just have to put on a happy face and hope we don't choke a child before the next scheduled break. That's hard sometimes. Battling a room full of squirmy teens when the weather has just jumped from 30 to 70 overnight is like trying to herd cats. Tomorrow is going to be a case of the security guards trying to keep the inmates from running the asylum. I'm not a superstitious person, but I can attest to the weird behaviors of children on full moons, changes in weather, and before breaks. They lose their minds. For serious.

As they stroll into the room (the ones who actually bother coming to school on the last day before break), you'll have to wonder if an imaginary someone jerked their chains and kicked their mouths into overdrive. One always walks over to the blinds to pull them up for optimal outdoorness on the inside...they're like little plants that need high light. After the chatter and indoor sunbathing ensues, one goofball never fails to ask, "are we doing anything today?" Teachers, this is the perfect moment to slap on that fake smile and say to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job." If you're clever, you'll answer with something quick: "Um, no. I thought we'd celebrate the day before break through interpretive dance. Surprise! You're first!" Expect eye rolls. Teenagers don't like when adults use sarcasm to make them feel dumb. Once you convince them that there really isn't a dvd in the player, they settle in with looks that could kill. The clock gets more glances the day before a break than any other day of the year, and time, of course, passes at a handicapped snail's pace. Fight the current, teachers. You have classes to teach.

Rules exist for days before breaks:

• Don't start anything new. 
• Don't set a due date for the day you return from break.
• Don't underestimate the number of teachers showing movies and the even larger multitude of questions and sighs you'll receive for not showing one.
• Don't remind them of things that are happening well after break and think it sufficient. Once they leave the room, a magic vacuum above the door sucks the sense from them, and they're no better than drooling puppies itching to go play in the yard. 

Regardless of what others think, spring break is necessary. Honestly, I kind of think parents don't like breaks because they fear having to occupy their teens for an entire week. Trust me, parents. We love your children, but we feel your pain. Trying to come up with efficient ways to occupy, entertain, teach, enlighten, and challenge your children 180 days out of the year is a scary task. So give us a break: let us enjoy the five days we get before we're thrown back into state testing, AP testing, graduation, recommendations, prom, field trips, research papers, etc. Without break, you might see us on the 10 o'clock news, and I hear the camera adds ten pounds -- that is just not ok with me.

Mind over matter

If I've learned anything in the last several months, it's that life requires a great deal of determination and persistence. The interesting part of this equation is that the person I'm most trying to outdo is myself. If you've been reading my ramblings, running has become an important part of the weekly routine around here, and it's sometimes a struggle not to get bogged down with the same trails, twists and turns that are my regular routes. Yesterday, I decided to venture out and risk real people seeing me in all my huffing glory. I parked the car at a local library and set out on a journey where life and society, not the "end," was in sight. The conclusion: an audience makes all the difference.

Yesterday saw me running 4.19 miles more easily than before, and there was something about SC students waving me down to keep me moving. This tiny voice inside my head (between life conversations and situations I was working through) was actually saying, "don't stop. you can do it. keep moving. you've got this." Weird. Myself talks to myself, but that's the great part! I am in control of me. Hot. Tired. Sweating profusely. The run was successful and satisfying, and being among others of like mind was refreshing.

Today...well, today was a test of will and determination; today, I set out to prove something. This time, I parked the car at the outdoor mall -- back corner in a lonely space. After hopping around the sidewalk and getting the music all situated (I was super disappointed because the running playlist I created didn't sync to the phone), the sidewalk was my open road. From the mall to the bypass, a little over two miles. Back to the library, another mile. Onto the greenway with a loop around to the fancy entrance, another mile. Up to the car, a mile. Right when my feet were about to stop, the tiny voice took over, and I flew by the car and around the mall in full force. Mouthing the music and bopping my head around, I realized these feet weren't stopping, and when the voice on my app interrupted to say I'd gone 6 miles, the corners of my mouth almost made it to my ear lobes. I looped around the mall and thought, "I can do this...one more mile." CRAZY... 6-6.5 was a breeze; it was almost as though the running got easier the more distance was tacked on, and then it hit me...the tendons in the back of my right knee started to get sore, and my calves and left hip had had enough. My little brother once told me that half the battle is running through the pain, and I could sense that this wasn't injury pain, so I toughed it out. Seven miles later, and I was horse trotting around the parking lot to cool down after a 71 minute run...71 minutes without stopping! Yay me!!! Proud and a little sore, I wanted to shout at the tops of my lungs that I did it -- I made myself persevere despite the fact that things got tough and uncomfortable.

To many of you, this is nothing, but to me, it's everything. The last six months have been mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging, and running has become my escape. September saw me struggling to run for 90 seconds at a time, and now I can run for over an hour. Time really does tell. Life's too short not to celebrate the little victories!

What's your success story?

"You remind me of a sweet angle."

Is that an obtuse or an aCUTE angle, sir? I believe you meant angEL. Spelling makes all the difference in the world when you're using cheesy pick-up lines. Just can the lines. Be yourself. Can anyone swing just being himself? I'm beginning to wonder...seriously.

Online dating. Oy.

Online dating is not terrible; however, one embarking on said journey must take into account that it claims a tiny morsel of dignity and a humongous chunk of time. Online dating is like throwing people into a flour sifter and turning the crank -- the majority of the "junk" stays on the surface, leaving the bowl filled with a tinge of decency and relative normal; however, occasionally, the junk decides that it missed out, and that's how you become an angle in a sea of irrational numbers and impossible-to-decipher word problems. People are so stinkin' complex, and a good majority of them can't tell the truth. I don't get it. I've decided most folks need a crash course in online dating etiquette, so I'm here with some guidelines:

Username:
bigspenis1985 makes most women want to gag. Why? Seriously...why? Could you not come up with something more interesting than a crappy way to advertise your boy parts? If you're not creative, then do some variation on your name, but at least give thought beyond what's in your pants. I've laughed out loud at some of the usernames, and I've promptly discarded the profiles on such grounds.

Photos:
Men:

• Please take off your Oakley's when you decide to take a selfie at a traffic light. I'm glad that you can afford expensive eyewear, but I'm trying to see if I can stand how your face looks; therefore, seeing it in its entirety might help. 
• Group pictures of you with buddies are not ideal. This isn't the Bachelorette, and you are not going on a group date. Spare your buddies the embarrassment of being plastered on your online dating profile and just put yourself out there. Come on, folks. Common sense. 
• Bathroom mirror selfies are not attractive. And please keep your junk to yourself. Your six-pack and V-ed groin muscle are not a universal call to females across the site. As a matter of fact, cheesy, arrogant, and asinine photos make most of us throw out your profiles before reading. Decent guys are getting the axe because they think online dating requires exposing the hard work they've done at Gold's Gym recently. Yeesh. 

Ladies:

• Duck lips, cleavage shots, and arse pictures really sell your intelligence to online lookers...said no one ever. Men may enjoy looking at that stuff, but you are not what they want to take home to momma. Don't be pissed off when trashy men send wildly inappropriate responses to your posted boobie shots: if you're advertising it, they'll take you up on it. 

Both:

• If you're 35 years old, and your pictures are from that awesome Cancun trip your junior year of college, that's false advertising. Looks aren't everything, but physical attraction is important. It's horrible to meet up with someone, only to assume he ate a small country on the way. 
• Pictures outlining your drunken nights are not exactly a top selling point, either. Wearing a hard hat with a beer on either side and plastic straw in your mouth really screams, "Procreate with me." Um...no. 

Profiles:

The thorough and honest profile is key to online dating. Most of us are here because we're beyond college age and/or refuse to troll bars for potential mates. Filling out a profile is time consuming, but it's a great way to weed out the weird, the grammatically handicapped, and the deal breakers (smoking, doesn't want kids, has no job, lives with momma, etc.). The following are real and completely inappropriate profile content:

• "I hate filling these things out. I'll get to it later."
• "aljf;lakjsdfl;ksjdf;lkjsadf;lkjsd;lfjds;lfjd;slkjf;lksdjf;lkjds;fljds;lfjdsl;kfj;ldskjf;lksdjf;lkjsdf;lkjsdl;fjk"
• "message me to know more because if I tell it all here, there's nothing left for us to discuss"
• "i'm awesome so you should get to know me" (complete with lowercase i all over the place)
• "looking for sexual partners, no commitment"
• "i'm terrible with women and dating. a bit shy but if you get to know me i'll open up" (great selling point, Joe Schmoe, and I really love your lack of capitalization)

These only touch on a few of the ridiculous profiles that exist. Profiles are a place to outline your best qualities, your dealbreakers, your hang ups, something interesting about yourself, what kinds of foods you like, movies/books/tv shows you enjoy, etc. Why wouldn't people take the time to be thorough? I personally don't enjoy getting crappy messages from people who obviously didn't read my profile, and I'm certainly not going to set myself up for unwanted folks to message me. Honesty and forwardness are crucial to attracting people who can write complete sentences and have decent written communications. Ok, so you misspelled one word -- no biggie, but if your profile is riddled with "message me if your into awsome guys with grate feet rubbing skillz," then most of us aren't interested. 

Messages:

There's a reason that most online sites provide a place that says Message me if...  Most of us fill out that section with information on what we are and aren't looking for. Why, oh why then, do you people insist on sending messages that say, "hey there"? What in the cat hair can I gather from "hey there"? A little substance, gentlemen, goes a long way. One word messages, especially if you make the cut for a response, scream laziness and apathy. The messages serve as a stand in for conversation; messages are designed to give us both a feel for whether or not we can have a jovial exchange with a bit of humor and honesty. "So glad it's Friday," "daayyyum girl. your cute," (yeah, your instead of you're...attractive, right?) and "hi" don't exactly give insight into your personality. Put in some effort, or just don't message us. 

Details:

Details exists so that we don't waste time trying to talk to people who lack desirable qualities. If you don't want to post your income, I get it, but when it asks if you want kids, please don't put "rather not say." What the heck does that mean? I'll be pissed if I get lured into a good time with a compatible partner only to find that he doesn't want children. For me, that's a dealbreaker. If you have children, be up front about that. I'm not particularly looking for a man with children, but I come from a situation where a good man, never married, took on my brother and me (8 and 5) when he married our momma. I'm not opposed to children, but don't use them as a surprise. 

Smoking = dealbreaker. If you smoke when you drink, then say so because I'm going to get upset if you pick up a cigarette while we're out watching local music, and your profile claims you don't smoke. 

What is your profession? I don't understand why some people won't share this up front. Not all women are gold digging beyotches. Most of us just want you to have a respectable job that pays the bills and gives you a purpose in life. I certainly can take care of myself and am not after your money. 

Height. No caveats to your height. If you're insecure about it, and I'm too tall for you, then don't message me. I don't have a problem with height; however, since high school, I've dated mostly shorter guys, and they all have some insecurity about it. Little man syndrome is annoying as hell, and quite frankly, I'm looking for someone my height or taller these days -- that way there's no issue. 

Education. Schooling is important. I'm not going to fault anyone who finished high school and has a good job, but I will say that a college education is desirable, and graduate degrees really pique my interest. It's much easier to relate to someone with comparable schooling. That being said, I try to look for men who are a bit smarter than I am; life is not fun without a challenge, so why not find a partner who has smarts different and more complex than my own? I'm liberal arts minded, so someone with another kind of advanced smarts AND an appreciation for the liberal arts is worth checking out. I'm not stupid and will not play stupid to make men like me, so if you're looking for busty, barmaid bimbos, then throw me out. This girl is classy. 

There you have it, folks: a few guidelines to online dating. Most of this stuff is common sense; however, the world seems to be filled with more idiocy than sense, thus the reason I felt compelled to share my cyber dating experience. Judge me if you will, but it is what it is. I may get lucky and drop a gallon of milk on some nice man's foot at Kroger, or I may find a great guy online. For now, all options are open. 

Commercialized Love Day

Valentine's Day: the one day of the year when lovers and not lovers feel the pressure to impress one another with chocolates, stuffed animals, expensive jewelry, and love notes. Valentine's Day: Commercialized Love Day. 

Before anyone tags me a V-day hater, I'm still a girl, and I still love all of these things...I just don't necessarily think they are reserved for February 14th.  Now, onto my breakdown of Commercialized Love Day...

Some things to know about me.

Those of you who know me in intimate situations are familiar with the list of things I'm about to share.  Some of you may not be versed in the ways of Ashley; therefore, I'm going to let it all out and share a few things about me that you may not know.  Laughing out loud is totally acceptable.

I'm weird...
This is a generic way to start, but I feel like it's the perfect caveat to the rest of the list, so prepare yourselves for my variety of weird.

I dance when I eat...
Oh, it's dancing -- real dancing.  And, I truly believe that it makes the food taste better.  Someone affirmed said dancing just the other day when he shared with me that some say really good food should make people dance.  Now I won't feel so strange about waving my fork around to direct the symphony in my mouth.  I might even grab an ankle and pump my knee while hopping around on the other leg.

I engage in car singing and shower singing...frequently
More often than not, I forget to stop dramatically wailing to Mariah Carey's Greatest Hits as I pull up to local red lights.  More often than not, I get weird looks instead of friendly giggles, but I don't care.  Showers and cars everywhere are being deprived of 90's music, but mine are overly satisfied...and maybe a bit dismayed.

I worry too much...
This is a work in progress. I'm trying to be less concerned with things I can't control, but sometimes that's easier said than done.  In my mind, scenarios of all sorts play out, and it most always pans out that my worst thoughts aren't the reality.

I cry...a lot
I'm a mad crier.  You know, the person who stands in a blank stare and tries to ward off the chin quiver that most certainly means sticky tears dripping down both cheeks.  I'm a panicky crier: the battery cable in my car came loose today at a gas station, and the "you're not going to cry about this" pep talk I gave myself only lasted until (see above) I began to process every bad thing that could possibly make my car not respond to key in ignition.  Thank you, stranger, for being so kind as to notice it was something easily fixed, or I might be a puddle on the Thornton's sidewalk.

Crying in movies and at commercials about hungry or abused people/animals is a fairly recent development.  I have a sensitive heart, folks. Don't judge.

I'm opinionated, and I have a defunct filter...
It's unsolicited, and if I don't say it, it's written all over my face.  Some people may argue that I'm mean, but I'm not.  What I say isn't meant to hurt people's feelings, it's just...well, it is what it is.  Take it or leave it.  I can dish it and expect it in return.  Trust me: if I wanted to hurt feelings, I would.  My delivery is just a tad off in some situations, and if you know that going in, I'll rarely offend you.  Most of the time I'm simply honest to a fault, and I'm learning that that's a lot to process for some folks.

I talk...a lot
If you tell me to knock it off, I won't be offended.  Sometimes I even get on my own nerves.  True story.

Sometimes I say dumb things...
(result of above)

I laugh like a hyena...
In a September post, I mentioned my laugh being a decibel not acceptable in most public places.  Also a true story.  If you get me comfortable, the goofy laugh will emerge.  Sometimes I laugh harder because I get tickled that my laugh is so ridiculous.

I'm loyal...like a dog
When I invest in something, it's %100, so regardless of what goes down, I'll give the benefit of the doubt through more than most will tolerate.  Those who'd argue my meanness might find that I'm actually a little too forgiving in some situations.  This is good and bad because I'm able to overlook many faults in others and can be fiercely trusted myself, but I sometimes hurt myself by ignoring red flags that should be deal breakers.

I wear my heart on my sleeve...
(See loyalty section, and opinionated section...oh, the crying part, too)

I'll believe it if you say it...
The optimist in me says that everyone tells the truth.  If you tell me you're going to do something, then I expect it'll be done.  The realist part of me knows that it's important to do research to make sure things are what they are; however, when it comes to a man's word, everyone is innocent until proven guilty in my eyes.  I don't lie: I'm terrible at it. For all my boldness, I'm a really trusting person, and it really hurts my feelings when someone violates that...so please don't. Just be forward even if it's going to hurt my feelings.  I'd rather know than walk around ignorant and have a larger hurt later.

I can't sleep when I'm anxious...or hot
First day of school, job interview, hot date, doctor's appt., lunch with an old friend -- if it can be anticipated with nerves, then it might hinder my sleep slightly.  Thus the reason I'm typing a blog entry at midnight (school starts back tomorrow).  I'll hate myself at 6am.

I am NOT high maintenance...
Going out for a night on the town is fun every once in a while, but staying in and enjoying someone's company is more my speed.  Name brands don't mean anything (unless they're on a great sale!), and honesty and a good sense of humor is going to win me over much more than what you buy or say that might impress me.  Picnics are my favorite -- even the ones that mean a blanket on the living room floor just for a change of pace.  Bologna sandwiches and pudding cups make me just as happy, if not happier, than steak dinners for two.

What you see is what you get...
My personality is all over the place, but it's never fake.  The teacher me and the "normal" me are one and the same.  I'm human -- who cares if the kids see that?  As a matter fact, they appreciate adults who can be themselves instead of ones who pretend to be more important just because they're adults.  One conversation with me should give you an idea of whether you'll like hanging around.  Not everyone will like me...that's ok.  Just don't pretend; I won't.

This is certainly not an entire list of the strange that defines me; however, it's a good start to this new year.  Do you have some "weird" that you share with the world?

Brooklyn Bridge, Freedom Tower, Starbucks

Beginning of our walk

Lady Liberty off in the distance

Lower Manhattan view

Midtown (distant view)

Apparently if you're in love, locking an engraved Master around the bridge makes it foreva eva. 

Margaret and Tim(my)

It's so cold, I couldn't move my face to smile like a normal person. 

I guess last night was too much, so I took a small nap...

My ginormous purse was in the way of me standing like a normal person.

Yay! We made it across. Brooklyn to Manhattan. We saw the set up for the new mayor's speech, and we found a Starbucks where Margaret and I agreed the rudest woman ever had no idea how to order coffee...or how to be nice. 

Freedom Tower (replaces World Trade Towers)

And the most fabulous picture of the day goes to...

This hung on the door downstairs so that party goers would know the proper procedure. Nothing like seeing your brother in a soaked wife beater to kick off a new year. Happy New Year, everyone!

Macy's, Lord and Taylor, Rock Plaza

View from the rooftop access

Part of Macy's window display. (not the best pictures bc of the glare)

Tree in Rock Plaza - not as huge as I thought. 

Lord and Taylor display...there were so many more, but the glare was awful. The videos are better. 

Macy's again

So, I can't post videos to blogger from my phone, but I'll be sure to get some together soon. These windows are crazy! They move and sing and dance...pretty theatrical. There you have it: the first amateur (EXTREMELY amateur) photos of the trip. 

By bedtime last night, I had wind burn something horrible on my cheeks, and tonight I'm already tired, (the party hasn't even started yet!). Hopefully I'll keep my eyes open for the ringing in of 2014. I'm taking this bull by the horns, so please keep your arms and legs inside the ride; this is MY year.