I'm baaaack...prepare yourselves.

Over 200 essays and a month later I'm taking a break from grading and preparing to enjoy the warm months. Unfortunately for you, I have a couple bones to pick with the general public. No, I'm not perfect, but I try to be cognizant of saying things that just don't make sense. Do you find these things irritating, or do you even notice?

Fewer vs. Less

Ok, folks. I know that I'm an English teacher, but still...let's get this correct. Most people use "less" interchangeably with "fewer," and that's just not right when you look at the denotations of the words. 

Less should be used when the amount of something isn't readily quantified. If a large body of water suffers evaporation from extreme heat, it's acceptable to say "Wow! The lake has less water in it than last week." I can't quantify the amount of water previously or currently present in the lake; therefore, I notice that there's less than before. 

Fewer should be used when the amount of something can be easily quantified. If a bag of M&M's suddenly seems a bit lighter, the bag contains fewer M&M's, not less. Assuming the number of servings on the package is quantified (it normally is) and/or the M&M's were counted before initial consumption, it is acceptable to say, "Hey! I have fewer M&M's in my bag. Someone's about to draw back a nub..."

The moral of this story: Fewer and Less should not be used interchangeably, but the world will tolerate it because most people don't give a rat's patoot.

Summer vs. Spring

Let's go back to the days of elementary bulletin boards outlining the days of the week, months of the year, holidays, birthdays, and SEASONS. Every season has a designated start and end date, yet we insist on treating Spring like the neglected child of Mother Nature. Everyone rejoices as the dark abyss of Winter breaks into Spring with dewy mornings, fresh blooms, and crispy cool evenings. That lasts for approximately two weeks until we, here in TN, experience a blast of 80-90 degree weather that makes Spring look like Summer's beyotch. Suddenly, we forget to call Spring Spring and we automatically dub the hot weather Summer. Yes, being out of school for a period of time does signify "summer break"; however, we actually have more of a "spring" break melded with the beginning of Summer which actually signifies our start back to school, typically marked by thoughts of Fall.  Did you follow that? 

Oh, and for the record: whether or not that silly little groundhog sees his shadow is completely irrelevant. Calendar wise, Winter is scheduled to last six more weeks regardless. So there. 

The moral of this story: check your dates. Tennesseans should be thankful for experiencing four seasons, as other places don't get the luxury. Each deserves its own credit. I'm going to bat for you, Spring!

Especially, Supposedly, Picture, and Library

People, people, people. ESpecially is not to be confused with EXpecially which is, much to your chagrin, NOT A WORD. ESpecially is the only acceptable way to say this word, so please put your "x" away and give "s" his due credit. 

SupposEDly is also a word that many folks botch in verbal exchanges. How many of you say SupposUBly? Stop it. Also not a word. 

A Picture is something that catalogs a moment in time visually. A Pitcher is something that holds liquid. They are not interchangeable; knock it off. 

Oh, the Library. It's a haven, a place of refuge from the loud, cruel world, and any reader's favorite field trip in free time. It, however, is not a Lieberry. If you're under the impression that these two words can be used in place of one another, I'll tell you that you've eaten one too many lie berries. 

And don't even get me started on ValenTIME's. It's ValenTINE's. "N" already gets lost in the alphabet song; can we just let it have its moment every February 14th? 

The moral of this story: please annunciate. Children all over the world are visiting lieberries and taking pitchers and that is expecially unfortunate. Supposubly they're also on "summer" break, but Spring will have its moment -- I'm sure of it. 

Stay tuned...there's more where this came from. Happy beginning of summ...errr...spring break! :)

One more day...

And no. I'm not singing Les Mis style. One more day of school before the children and I get a solid break from one another, and despite the snow days, I'm ready for this break.

Non educators don't understand the NEED for spring break. Next week will most likely piss off the majority of working folks because Monday morning will fill Facebook with jubilant statuses about time off; however, before getting panties in a wad, people should consider that they work for vacation time they can take as they please. We are told when we get our time. Business folks get stressed out, and they can take a week of vacay to recoup; teachers get stressed, and we just have to put on a happy face and hope we don't choke a child before the next scheduled break. That's hard sometimes. Battling a room full of squirmy teens when the weather has just jumped from 30 to 70 overnight is like trying to herd cats. Tomorrow is going to be a case of the security guards trying to keep the inmates from running the asylum. I'm not a superstitious person, but I can attest to the weird behaviors of children on full moons, changes in weather, and before breaks. They lose their minds. For serious.

As they stroll into the room (the ones who actually bother coming to school on the last day before break), you'll have to wonder if an imaginary someone jerked their chains and kicked their mouths into overdrive. One always walks over to the blinds to pull them up for optimal outdoorness on the inside...they're like little plants that need high light. After the chatter and indoor sunbathing ensues, one goofball never fails to ask, "are we doing anything today?" Teachers, this is the perfect moment to slap on that fake smile and say to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job." If you're clever, you'll answer with something quick: "Um, no. I thought we'd celebrate the day before break through interpretive dance. Surprise! You're first!" Expect eye rolls. Teenagers don't like when adults use sarcasm to make them feel dumb. Once you convince them that there really isn't a dvd in the player, they settle in with looks that could kill. The clock gets more glances the day before a break than any other day of the year, and time, of course, passes at a handicapped snail's pace. Fight the current, teachers. You have classes to teach.

Rules exist for days before breaks:

• Don't start anything new. 
• Don't set a due date for the day you return from break.
• Don't underestimate the number of teachers showing movies and the even larger multitude of questions and sighs you'll receive for not showing one.
• Don't remind them of things that are happening well after break and think it sufficient. Once they leave the room, a magic vacuum above the door sucks the sense from them, and they're no better than drooling puppies itching to go play in the yard. 

Regardless of what others think, spring break is necessary. Honestly, I kind of think parents don't like breaks because they fear having to occupy their teens for an entire week. Trust me, parents. We love your children, but we feel your pain. Trying to come up with efficient ways to occupy, entertain, teach, enlighten, and challenge your children 180 days out of the year is a scary task. So give us a break: let us enjoy the five days we get before we're thrown back into state testing, AP testing, graduation, recommendations, prom, field trips, research papers, etc. Without break, you might see us on the 10 o'clock news, and I hear the camera adds ten pounds -- that is just not ok with me.