She works hard for the money...or, at least, she's about to.

Monday. Monday marks the beginning of the school year -- a time when teachers resolve themselves to pasty skin tones, mounds of paperwork, and the best part: taking your children off your hands for ten months (did anyone sense the sarcasm??).

We love your children; however, we feel your frustrations of trying to "entertain" them when they're in our care 7 hours a day, five days a week. I'll be the first to argue that parents hate summer break, or any break for that matter, because they have to find childcare and activities to occupy the kiddos and because kids, en masse, can sometimes drive a man...or a momma...to drinking. Even the best parents out there get a tad annoyed at the kids, and I think they all enjoy the steady schedule of a ten-month school year. Summer marks a time when more money and time has to be spent making sure everyone is taken care of, and things become a bit hectic. What tickles me about the whole teachers on break crazy is that the general public has no problem complaining to teachers about how much "free time" they have, yet they forget that for ten months out of the year, teachers are parents' lifelines. We educate and entertain the children, and that is a hard job. For those of you who believe we sit around in blue jean jumpers wearing wooden necklaces while eating apples, listen up. It ain't that pretty.

Educator
Noun - one with a firm belief that everyone can accomplish something; one willing to compromise dignity and sanity for the wellbeing of others; one lacking the desire to live lavishly and in favor of spreading common sense and intelligence throughout the land.

We don't know everything. Most of us qualify as masters in our fields; however, we are learning each and every day. All of those little neurosurgeons out there can thank a handful of teachers for teaching them facts and statistics and writing skills and brain hemispheres, but all of those teachers can thank those former students for teaching them patience, imagination, and innovation. The world is ever changing, and while I'd love to see a glimmer of excitement in every 13yr old's eye when I introduce Shakespeare, I have to approach the literature with real-life application in mind. I teach English not necessarily because I'm trying to instill a love of books in children but because I'm trying to help the students learn life skills that will follow them into various stages of existence. Fifteen years ago, my teachers weren't concerned with email etiquette, but now...now, that's a vital part of everyday writing skills that kids and adults need to know. As an educator, I have to research and study so that I can keep up with what upcoming students need to know. It's my job to venture beyond what I was taught in school and educate myself so that I can educate others.

Anyone imagining this an easy task is oblivious to the work and time that we put into making sure your kids are properly equipped to go into the workforce or college atmosphere. We aren't paid for specific trainings when there's an argument over whether or not to use the Oxford comma or when MLA decides to take out a period that's been there for two decades. We just have to keep up, sans a large meeting room with dozens of donuts and free coffee. Unfortunately, a popular idiom discredits the struggle that is maintaining relevance in education: "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach." So. Not. True. I will always attest that I learn more about something when I'm teaching it than I did when I originally learned it. To do often only requires minimal attention; to teach requires seeing beyond what appears to be. When's the last time you thought about how hard that is? Next time you try to teach a child to tie a shoe, think about how you have to break it down in order to make sense of it. It's frustrating to take something so mindless to you and try to get another human being to do it with ease. That's our every day...with more complicated material.

Entertainer
Noun - one with the desire to make others happy; one with the ability to stave off boredom; one creative enough to make others forget temporarily that important things are happening around them; a teacher.

Yep. I've said it before, and I'll reiterate it here: a good teacher is a one-man Broadway show without all of the acclaim...or a stitch of dignity to speak of. In good entertainment, the gloves are off, no holds barred, all the world's a stage, and every other cliche idiom applies. If I had a nickel for every sword fight I've staged with myself while teaching the first two pages of Romeo and Juliet, I'd have...well, I'd have like $.70, but that's not the point. The point is that I've had to throw caution to the wind and walk into a room spouting Whitman's "O' Captain, My Captain" if I want the kids to care about it. I've jumped on a windowsill to demonstrate the emotion of Juliet during the famed balcony scene of Shakespeare's romantic tragedy; I've spoken in a ridiculous southern accent in order to capture the distress and hyperbole that is Blanche DuBois in William's A Streetcar Named Desire; I've pretended to peer out of a bunker during war as a means to convey the trepidation of soldiers in the night. All of this is entertainment for the students, but it gets them thinking...ah ha! My job: make the children think.

179 days of 180, I hear, "Why are we doing this? This is stupid! I hate this. No one else is making us work because it's Friday. You always make us work." After growing a relatively thick skin, I learned to edutain, for it is the ONLY way to make them understand the means to the ends.

"Today, class, you're going to imagine you have a career. You would like a week off from work for vacation, but it has to be requested in writing. We'll assume you're sending this correspondence in the form of an email to your boss. You have ten minutes to compose this email, and your boss will provide immediate feedback."

Now, after I scan the room and see 98% of the little stinkers rolling their eyes, I call on the one brave kid who asks, "how is this relevant to English class?" Yes! That's the question I wanted.

"Well, young grasshopper, part of my job is to help you write properly for a variety of situations. One day, you will need to ask off for vacation; however, your approach and appropriate writing skills will determine whether or not the request is granted."

Of course they still don't see the relevance, but when I collect the "emails" and read them out loud, the learning begins. I'm the boss, and those requests are getting on-the-spot answers...some of those answers are a big fat NO and a "please pack your desk." It's funny, yet scary for them to hear that one inappropriate word choice or one ill sentence structure can make or break an entire job in their futures. Edutainment folks...it's how we reach your kids. That's hard.

All of this being said, I am not a momma (One day, hopefully, but not yet); however, I feel your frustrations of having to entertain and to teach your children skills that will make or break their futures. You're frustrated about 8-10 weeks out of 52 that you have to occupy with entertaining, educating, feeding, etc., and you're quick to bash us for posting pool pictures and "school's out" statuses, but before you mutter obscenities under your breath as you snack on a stale donut at your office desk while admiring the 90 degree sunshine through a distant window, remember that we've devoted our lives to your kids, and we do everything we can for those ten months a year to make sure you see little Johnny sashay across a stage and go out into the world in pursuit of a decent living.

Ease up on teachers, world; we deserve a break, too.

I'm baaaack...prepare yourselves.

Over 200 essays and a month later I'm taking a break from grading and preparing to enjoy the warm months. Unfortunately for you, I have a couple bones to pick with the general public. No, I'm not perfect, but I try to be cognizant of saying things that just don't make sense. Do you find these things irritating, or do you even notice?

Fewer vs. Less

Ok, folks. I know that I'm an English teacher, but still...let's get this correct. Most people use "less" interchangeably with "fewer," and that's just not right when you look at the denotations of the words. 

Less should be used when the amount of something isn't readily quantified. If a large body of water suffers evaporation from extreme heat, it's acceptable to say "Wow! The lake has less water in it than last week." I can't quantify the amount of water previously or currently present in the lake; therefore, I notice that there's less than before. 

Fewer should be used when the amount of something can be easily quantified. If a bag of M&M's suddenly seems a bit lighter, the bag contains fewer M&M's, not less. Assuming the number of servings on the package is quantified (it normally is) and/or the M&M's were counted before initial consumption, it is acceptable to say, "Hey! I have fewer M&M's in my bag. Someone's about to draw back a nub..."

The moral of this story: Fewer and Less should not be used interchangeably, but the world will tolerate it because most people don't give a rat's patoot.

Summer vs. Spring

Let's go back to the days of elementary bulletin boards outlining the days of the week, months of the year, holidays, birthdays, and SEASONS. Every season has a designated start and end date, yet we insist on treating Spring like the neglected child of Mother Nature. Everyone rejoices as the dark abyss of Winter breaks into Spring with dewy mornings, fresh blooms, and crispy cool evenings. That lasts for approximately two weeks until we, here in TN, experience a blast of 80-90 degree weather that makes Spring look like Summer's beyotch. Suddenly, we forget to call Spring Spring and we automatically dub the hot weather Summer. Yes, being out of school for a period of time does signify "summer break"; however, we actually have more of a "spring" break melded with the beginning of Summer which actually signifies our start back to school, typically marked by thoughts of Fall.  Did you follow that? 

Oh, and for the record: whether or not that silly little groundhog sees his shadow is completely irrelevant. Calendar wise, Winter is scheduled to last six more weeks regardless. So there. 

The moral of this story: check your dates. Tennesseans should be thankful for experiencing four seasons, as other places don't get the luxury. Each deserves its own credit. I'm going to bat for you, Spring!

Especially, Supposedly, Picture, and Library

People, people, people. ESpecially is not to be confused with EXpecially which is, much to your chagrin, NOT A WORD. ESpecially is the only acceptable way to say this word, so please put your "x" away and give "s" his due credit. 

SupposEDly is also a word that many folks botch in verbal exchanges. How many of you say SupposUBly? Stop it. Also not a word. 

A Picture is something that catalogs a moment in time visually. A Pitcher is something that holds liquid. They are not interchangeable; knock it off. 

Oh, the Library. It's a haven, a place of refuge from the loud, cruel world, and any reader's favorite field trip in free time. It, however, is not a Lieberry. If you're under the impression that these two words can be used in place of one another, I'll tell you that you've eaten one too many lie berries. 

And don't even get me started on ValenTIME's. It's ValenTINE's. "N" already gets lost in the alphabet song; can we just let it have its moment every February 14th? 

The moral of this story: please annunciate. Children all over the world are visiting lieberries and taking pitchers and that is expecially unfortunate. Supposubly they're also on "summer" break, but Spring will have its moment -- I'm sure of it. 

Stay tuned...there's more where this came from. Happy beginning of summ...errr...spring break! :)