Snow Angels and Shizz

I sort of feel like I'm in the Gilded Age of teaching...ya know, a super crappy time coated in all the feels I have toward educating the children; at this point,  it's the only thing that keeps me getting up every day. It's the Gilded Age because I am actually happy, not stressed, that we've missed three days in a row and will probably miss a fourth on Monday because of blizzard-like conditions that swooped in overnight. I literally have sat on the same couch cushion for three days straight with minimal moving. I've managed to make it to the gym once, go for a snowy walk, break out the Wii for Just Dance 3, and get myself inordinate amounts of food and La Croix waters from the kitchen (luckily in the same room as the couch). A year ago, I would have cheered, then jeered, at the thought of so many snow days in a row, and now? Now, I'm jaded. Having that 20-something moment of needing to "find myself" career wise. On top of that, you can only sit on the same piece of furniture with your cat while talking to your boyfriend on the phone without thinking, "wow, I'm literally snowed in with a furry man cat. I am sort of a cat lady." Le sigh.

I haven't worn real clothes in three days. THREE DAYS. And no, gym clothes don't count. Spandex in public is really only acceptable if you're going to or coming from the gym. Take note, ladies.

So, after fighting with a spaghetti squash for 15 minutes, I'm sitting here smelling the yummies bake in the oven while I formulate a million 'what ifs' in my head for the near future. Instead of divulging too much, I'll just tell you more about me from the perspective of the children:

I am an idiot. I know nothing about college, student loans (or how to avoid them), ACT scores, or scholarships. As a matter of fact, I should just stop trying to tell them things because I just sound stupid when I "lecture" about having a plan for the future.

I still have no idea how to be a good teacher. I certainly know nothing about Shakespeare or English, and I really should stop with all this history stuff about Rome because what in the world does that have to do with reading and writing about Julius Caesar?

White girls can cook? ANNNNNDDDD bake?

Apparently I'm the most generous person ever: one child literally takes my water every day and guzzles it after lunch. "Thanks, Ms. Freeman!" You're welcome, I guess. I mean, is it couth to say "thank you" when you didn't ask in the first place?

I don't understand the difference in late and on time. I mean, I should totally let you in if you're sprinting down the hallway and still around the corner when the bell rings. Shame on me for making you get a note to class. I'll work on that.

I am a social outcast because I don't watch Empire. I can't believe I don't know who pushed pookie or boo boo or bae down the stairs last week.

Sit in chairs? Who sits in chairs? On their bottoms? Looking respectable? I missed the memo where we sprawl across desks and chairs because we're 'tired' and just don't feel like learning today. Next visitor to my room should expect me face down on the lectern. I can totally teach that way.

Whoever came up with putting things away after you use them should be placed in front of a firing squad. How dare I ask the children to push in their chairs and put away the borrowed pencils at the end of class. And stack textbooks? No. That's doin' too much.

Leave school at 3pm when I'm allowed to walk out the door? Well, if judgmental looks and mumbles from the permanent fixtures are all I have to worry about as I grab my belongings at 2:59, I'll surely shake them off at the slam of the heavy metal door. Some people, for their own sanity, get their crap done strategically during planning, before school, and while the children are working. Some of us are over the times where taking work home is the norm. If I took work home at this point, I'd cry all the time, have no boyfriend, and really be a cat lady. No bueno.

So, in the spirit of getting to scrape the cool looking (and super stubborn) spaghetti squash, I'll spare you any further weirdness or insights into my soul. I'll probably watch You've Got Mail for the third time in three days and continue to sit on my couch cushion. C'est la vie, people.

"Free, I'm going to have to teach you."

Free. Free-Free. - noun. 1. uninhibited; open 2. term of endearment for a teacher by the name of Ms. Freeman
synonyms: ash ash free free; meanie; hard nose; strict; tough

For all of the complaining (about me) that wafts through the hallways at school, the love that follows is certainly more abundant. The kids who know me well from class or student council know that I'm not mean: I'm a tough love, hold-the-bar-high kind of lady. I genuinely want them to do well and don't take their mess or excuses for why they aren't performing up to par. Every semester, former students dip into my room between classes and after school to profess their love and fond memories of classes gone by. My heart smiles just a bit when they come in with big grins and goofy waves because it makes that current parent email that's told me I should never have kids seem like a blip on my proverbial radar. As much as I love my little stinkers, I sometimes wish they weren't so invested in my potential love life. The grand ideas that cross their minds crack me up, so I thought you might get a laugh out of them too. :)

"Ms. Freeman, you're like the teacher version of Beyonce." = Win

"Ms. Freeman, how many cats do you have?"
"One."
"Oh, we were talking at lunch and totally see you with cats forever." = Fail

"Ms. Freeman, did you grade our papers this weekend?"
"No. I have a life."
"Did you go on a date?"
"Yes."
"Can you stand the way his face looks for the rest of your life?"
"I'm not sure yet. We haven't known one another long enough for me to determine that."
"Oh, well, it's cool that you went on a date." = Win

"Mrs. Freeman."
"I'm not a Mrs. Just Ms./Miss. I'm not married."
"Why aren't you married?"
"Well, that's a good question. I don't rightly know."
"Aww, well, aren't you like 30 something?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I guess most people are married by the time they're 30. Are you going to be a cat lady or something?"
"Um, no. Do I look like a cat lady?"
"Kinda. We talked at lunch and decided you look like you could live alone with cats forever." - Fail"

"Ms. Freeman, your hair is on fleek."
"What does that mean? Is it good or bad?"
"Oh, it's good. It's gucci, cool, on point." = Win

"Ms. Freeman, can we watch a Simon's cat video? They're hilarious."
"Yeah, we'll watch one before we leave."
"Do you like these because you're a cat lady?"
"No. I like them because anyone who owns cats know they ring true."
"Oh. Well, you have a cat, so that makes you a cat lady...right?" = Fail

"I love this class. People say you're mean, but I tell them you're just strict, not mean."
"Well thank you."
"And you're funny. You're a funny cat lady." = Win/Fail

So, it appears the trend here is that I look like a cat lady? I've stared long and hard in the mirror, and I'm not seeing it, but the children have spoken, and I guess I need to steer clear of adopting another kitty, or I may will their prophecy true. Cool hair: check. Cool clothes: check. Fun Personality: check. WHY DO I LOOK LIKE A CAT LADY TO THE CHILDREN?!?

My next pet will inevitably have to be a fish. No one will ever say, "Ms. Freeman, you strike me as a fish lady." = Win.

Maybe I'm getting old...

NAH! I'm not old; I'm just wiser and more irritated by rhythmic clicking noises these days. Being a teacher teaches you patience and discipline; however, it doesn't make you any less of a person, and this person can't handle some of the crazy lately. Freshmen are my niche...they're my perfect age group, my personality's best complement, but sometimes I'd like to wring their necks as I'm laughing at their ridiculous antics. Below, you'll find a few things that could potentially cause Ms. Freeman's head to explode (or at least cause her to talk bad to ya). :)

Pen Clicking

Oh. My. Word. Pen clicking is something that seriously makes me want to jump atop a desk and scream a string of non-sensical obscenities. It ranks right up there with gum smacking and loud eating, and I just can't handle it. I did, however, have a funny incident two weeks ago with my goofy 3rd block freshmen class: the one pen clicker in the group organized a mass pen clicking after lunch, sort of a flash mob of annoying behavior. It was clever, and I laughed after the fact, but when I opened the door and 22 fourteen-year olds were clicking pens in both hands, I thought I'd made an accidental detour to hell. Those little boogers are intuitive, and they've learned my personality enough to know what can be funny and what can't. Nice move, froshy. Nice move.

Over Talkers

You probably read this and have no idea to whom I'm referring. Well, over talkers are worse than interrupters: interrupters butt in and most of the time correct the faux pas by apologizing and waiting their turn; however, over talkers interrupt by talking over you until you stop talking to hear them out. I get excited and talk a blue streak, sometimes resulting in unintentional interruption, but I've never talked over a person (who is clearly addressing me or others) as a means of forcing myself to be heard. This is beyond rude and might as well be nails on a chalkboard as far as I'm concerned. Over talkers have thoughts and just start speaking without regard for those already in the act; these are people, in my opinion, who should practice LISTENING. The worst part is that I don't know any child over talkers: the couple culprits I know are adults. For shame.

Sob Stories

Station Camp goers hear that old Ms. Freeman is a meanie with no heart who clearly rides her broom to school every day. She eats children as a snack, does a great "I don't care" face, and her raised eyebrow can melt you into the back of a chair. Some of that is true; however, she's not a meanie just because she doesn't grab a Kleenex at your latest version of "I didn't do my homework because..." story. People, life will not listen to your sob story and throw you a bone; life will not give you something for nothing; life will kick your behind and leave you waiting for an apology -- FOREVER. Learn the responsibility here because Ms. Freeman cares about you, not because she enjoys seeing your pathetic little faces and sticky tears when you realize #4 clearly states, "Late work will not be accepted" and she actually sticks to her guns. One day, you'll appreciate the tough love. One day, when you realize all those meanie teachers knew what they were talking about way back when.

Snobby Snubbers

Oh, yeah. You're all too familiar with people who think they're too good for stuff. It's infuriating to be around people who think rules don't apply to them or who think they're above "menial" activity. Pshh. The mindset that you're too good to do something is more a cover up for the fact that you're EXACTLY the person to do it. "This is stupid." "Why are we doing this?" "You're the only person who makes us work." Shut your face holes! A free dumb look and an eyebrow raise later, I'll be the first to say that I'm not too good for any activity. The things that seem beneath us are typically what make us stronger. Oh, you don't like wearing an ID? Well, no one asked if you like it; it's a rule, and you're no exception. You don't want to accompany your class to assembly? Well, it's our job to supervise the kids during school events, and those papers can wait. Kids and adults alike can be jerks about following rules and getting things done, and it gives the goody two shoes like me a bad wrap. Oh well. My momma taught me to do the right thing regardless of popularity, so I'll keep trudging on. Rule followers unite!

School Bashers

Ugh. Teenagers (and some adults) confuse school spirit with school bashing. What could be friendly competition turns into vandalism, hateful social media, and trash talk that fosters unfair assumptions about neighboring schools and organizations. "Gallatin is a ghetto school." "Beech kids do so many drugs." "I bet there are 30 pregnant girls in Portland because they don't have anything better to do there." "Station Camp thinks they're so entitled." "Hendersonville is just a bunch of rich snobs." Shut up. It's one thing to make the occasional crack but to foster such negativity that clearly constitutes sweeping generalizations about rival schools is just asinine. Every school has rich, poor, dumb, smart, drugs, fights, gangs, etc. To say that any one school in this county is primarily X,Y or Z just isn't a fair representation. Oh, and by the way, that "ghetto" school is where I got my incredible education; I frequently remind the kids that deep down there's a little green and gold floating around in my blood.

Well, this is probably the first of many installments that begs the question, "Am I getting old, or are these things really just annoying?" What things just fly all over you?

One more day...

And no. I'm not singing Les Mis style. One more day of school before the children and I get a solid break from one another, and despite the snow days, I'm ready for this break.

Non educators don't understand the NEED for spring break. Next week will most likely piss off the majority of working folks because Monday morning will fill Facebook with jubilant statuses about time off; however, before getting panties in a wad, people should consider that they work for vacation time they can take as they please. We are told when we get our time. Business folks get stressed out, and they can take a week of vacay to recoup; teachers get stressed, and we just have to put on a happy face and hope we don't choke a child before the next scheduled break. That's hard sometimes. Battling a room full of squirmy teens when the weather has just jumped from 30 to 70 overnight is like trying to herd cats. Tomorrow is going to be a case of the security guards trying to keep the inmates from running the asylum. I'm not a superstitious person, but I can attest to the weird behaviors of children on full moons, changes in weather, and before breaks. They lose their minds. For serious.

As they stroll into the room (the ones who actually bother coming to school on the last day before break), you'll have to wonder if an imaginary someone jerked their chains and kicked their mouths into overdrive. One always walks over to the blinds to pull them up for optimal outdoorness on the inside...they're like little plants that need high light. After the chatter and indoor sunbathing ensues, one goofball never fails to ask, "are we doing anything today?" Teachers, this is the perfect moment to slap on that fake smile and say to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job." If you're clever, you'll answer with something quick: "Um, no. I thought we'd celebrate the day before break through interpretive dance. Surprise! You're first!" Expect eye rolls. Teenagers don't like when adults use sarcasm to make them feel dumb. Once you convince them that there really isn't a dvd in the player, they settle in with looks that could kill. The clock gets more glances the day before a break than any other day of the year, and time, of course, passes at a handicapped snail's pace. Fight the current, teachers. You have classes to teach.

Rules exist for days before breaks:

• Don't start anything new. 
• Don't set a due date for the day you return from break.
• Don't underestimate the number of teachers showing movies and the even larger multitude of questions and sighs you'll receive for not showing one.
• Don't remind them of things that are happening well after break and think it sufficient. Once they leave the room, a magic vacuum above the door sucks the sense from them, and they're no better than drooling puppies itching to go play in the yard. 

Regardless of what others think, spring break is necessary. Honestly, I kind of think parents don't like breaks because they fear having to occupy their teens for an entire week. Trust me, parents. We love your children, but we feel your pain. Trying to come up with efficient ways to occupy, entertain, teach, enlighten, and challenge your children 180 days out of the year is a scary task. So give us a break: let us enjoy the five days we get before we're thrown back into state testing, AP testing, graduation, recommendations, prom, field trips, research papers, etc. Without break, you might see us on the 10 o'clock news, and I hear the camera adds ten pounds -- that is just not ok with me.