I said I would never...

 ...and here we are. 

Almost four years ago, I decided that online dating was the dregs, and with my personality, local engagement and (literally) hundreds of connections assumed if the Lord Himself meant for me to meet someone in the wild, I would. Welllllllllll...what do they say? 

Never Say Never. 

Memorial Day Weekend must have been a particularly boring one because I got an itch and downloaded Hinge. Being the lesser of the plethora of swiping hells, I thought, "surely, I'll meet some nice folks." I did, in fact, go on a few dates -- one connection ending up in a solid friendship and one where I had to remind a grown man that bad mouthing his ex wasn't the way to win me over. The most recent connection was five dates strong when spooky season rolled around, and I was appropriately ghosted, all by a man who claimed to be an emotionally intelligent and self-aware leader. Um, ok, sir. 

Anyway, I refuse to let the dating pool (which clearly has pee, bleach, or the wrong scent of Fabuloso -- you know which one I'm talking about -- in it) turn me into a bitter, single cat lady. 

You see, I'm perfectly fine alone. I always have been, but I also know that like hermit crabs, we just aren't meant to spend our time locked inside the house, potentially stressed out and in danger of losing limbs in the process (a very dramatic analogy, but IYKYK). We're social beings, and while I don't need a man, I would like someone to share life things with. Don't worry: I'll still spam my IG account with concert videos, weekend trips, and visits to my littles, but I also want to put aside some of the hyper-independence and invite another weird and quirky spirit to join me for some living. 

But, back to Hinge. Y'all. There are no words. No. Words. And, no, this is not me being judgmental and cruel -- it's really a conundrum how some people ever end up in relationships because the profiles are enough to make you question humanity. A cautious, but somewhat hopeless, romantic, I try to be genuine and fun. I actually read the profiles and try to message with references to things they mention, and then on the off chance one messages back, it's largely like pulling teeth to get some of them to say anything substantial. If they aren't avoiding answering questions about themselves altogether, many say wildly inappropriate, albeit funny, things, and some even plan dates, check in, and then unmatch you right before time to meet up. 

The world is worried about WWIII, and single people are out here in the trenches fighting a war that is only providing comedy for family and friends who don't know whether to laugh or cry. I mean, even Pepsi has a hilarious ad out making fun of the Coldplay couple, and it's honestly only funny because dating and relationships are so ridiculous in today's world. 

*If you really want to laugh (or roll your eyes), when that whole Coldplay thing happened, I followed suit with all the social media poking and got "in trouble" and had to pull it down. So I clapped when the new Pepsi commercial came out. Also...IYKYK. 😂 

All of this to say, we're in the season where all the girlies are heading to farms and pumpkin patches in their favorite flannel outfits, and I'm over here trying to convince everyone I'm NOT a lesbian who misplaced her ax. The pixie is a style choice, and the 5'11 170lbs is what it is. Too bad for me, less than 2% of the male population is over 6ft, and honestly I think even less than that is interested in putting in effort for dating. I'm not man hating, so before you come at me, know that I know women are horrible, and many of my male friends have these same struggles. 

Next time you hear me say, "I'm heading to a concert; I've planned a trip; or I'm going out to eat," don't follow with, "Who are you going with?" and then say, "awwww," when you find out it's a party of one.  I'M GOING WITH MYSELF! I like my own company, and until someone comes along who also enjoys his own company AND wants to enjoy mine as well, I'll keep living my life single. I will not wait for other people to catch up so I can do the things I want to do, and honestly, I enjoy planning the time for myself. 

You should try it sometime.